What Are Guys "Looking For"?


Hey Gayle, I’m new to Grindr and am wondering what the different “I’m looking for” options?

- Overwhelmed Gayby


Hey Overwhelmed Gayby, welcome to the confusing and (mostly) wonderful world of Grindr. 

I’m going to level with you - they’re not really a concrete thing and a lot of them have a common hookup thread which you’ll notice as you read my quick breakdown for you below.

What do the different “I’m looking for” you might come across mean:

  • Chat
    Likely means the guy is just killing time talking. In saying that, would probably hook up but don’t want to create any expectations to start with. Often also looking for sexy pics to be a part of that chat.
  • Dates
    Guys looking for dates will most likely hook up on the first date - but want to have at least a 5-minute chat over a drink or a (definitely not spicy) dinner before having a penis in them. 
  • Friends
    I’ll put looking for Friends if I’ve just moved to a new area. I may end up hooking up with some of these friends, but for now, I want kind faces who are good company to show me around town and give me the lay of the land… or land a lay. 
  • Networking
    Your Auntie has been around a while, and has literally no idea what or who this option is for... A businessman maybe? If I’m being generous, it could be about meeting people that can intro you to different groups and networks - like if someone was looking for a gay anime fan club or an intro to the local Bear den. But I could be wrong, and it could be actual “climbing the social ranks” networking… with handshakes and boozy lunches.
  • Relationship
    If this is in my bio, I’m looking for love, snuggles, breakfast in bed and whirlwind romances. I’ll absolutely have sex along the way, though.
  • Right now
    This is essentially the only truly honest option. This guy just wants to meet and have sex as soon as humanly possible - likely with minimal talking beforehand and after.

If you do start meeting guys for hook-ups - you'll need to be protecting and testing too!

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Often you’ll see combos of these options, like “I’m Looking For: Relationship and Right now”, which in my experience means - I mostly want to fuck, but if we really hit it off, I’ll want to marry you. 

Realistically, the only way to really know what someone is looking for is to talk to them and find out.

The key is making sure you’re safe and empowered in these situations. Just because you’re new, doesn’t mean you have to just go with what the other guys’ expectations are. Anyone sending you a dick pic should be getting consent from you first, likewise, if they request something sexy from you, they need to respect if you say no.

In saying that, if you are down for getting dick pics in your inbox, make sure you tick the “Accepts NSFW” tick box on your profile (and obviously respect those who don’t tick this box).

Grindr can be overwhelming, a lot of thirsty guys will be in there asking for DMs before you even have a profile pic. So look after yourself, and take a break/turn off notifications if it gets a bit much.  

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