What Erotica Gets Wrong


By Luke Parkes


There are a lot of gay romance stories and novels these days, and while many of them are very stimulating, often the sex scenes aren’t super accurate.

 

Using spit as lube

One of the characters realise, “Oh shit, we don’t have any lube, how will I squeeze into that tight hole?” It would be a total mood killer if they nipped down to the nearest store, right? So the best alternative, they decide, is their own spit. Everyone should be familiar with the movie Brokeback Mountain, but what about the original story by Annie Proulx?

“Ennis jerked his hand away as though he’d touched fire, got to his knees, unbuckled his belt, shoved his pants down, hauled Jack onto all fours and, with the help of the clear slick and a little spit, entered him, nothing he’d done before but no instruction manual needed.”

Okay, so this is pretty hot, especially because it’s Heath and Jake – but spit and pre-cum aren’t great lubricants. This combination is not as slippery as store-bought lube, which means more chance of small rips/tears in the butt and penis, making both partners more susceptible to STIs. And saliva can also carry some STIs, so there’s even more chance of transmission.

 

Going dry

Sometimes, they decide, eh, we’re fictional characters, so we can do whatever we like – like just slide right in without any kind of lube. But if you tried that in real life… *wide eye emoji*

Like this little sex scene in Yours by Kim Alan:

“He leaned over Kyle until he was once again between his thighs, heavy cock nudging at his eager hole. Beau plunged into him in one long, hard thrust until he was buried deep inside.”

No lube is used (saliva is in the mix due to the blowjob before, but remember what we said about spit?).

We’d recommend water-based or silicone-based lubes for any anal adventures – there are many different brands out there, and they all work slightly differently. Try out as many as you can!

 

Condoms, condoms, condoms (or lack thereof)

Hmm... there’s something missing: It starts with a “C” (and no, it isn’t cock – there are plenty of those). If you’re thinking condom, then you’re right. There are so many missed opportunities to bring condoms, PrEP and HIV testing into the conversation. In Abel by C.J. Bishop, the characters work at a strip club, and they talk about regular testing… yet there’s quite a bit of unprotected sex… with multiple men.

“Abel shook his head slowly and then kissed him hard as Gabe straddled both him and Cole, guiding Abel’s cock between his firm ass cheeks. Abel nearly screamed when Gabe’s tight heat encased him, squeezing his hardness, pulling him deeper and deeper.”

This is where we need Bea Arthur from Golden Girls to shout “Condoms, Rose! Condoms! Condoms! Condoms! And PrEP!”

(While none of the men contract HIV or any STIs, Abel’s younger sister does from accidentally getting stabbed by a used needle from rummaging through a bin so it’s not like HIV was that far from the author’s mind.)

 

Unsexy words

Sometimes, you’re reading a sex scene and, during it, the characters are talking, and you’re, like, “does anybody actually talk like this?”

“I’m going to fuck your mouth while you’re rammed full with the dildo, and you’re going to come so hard.” (Only in my Dreams by Keira Andrews)

Of course, it’s a book – it would be boring if all they did was moan and groan, but where dialogue is used, it should be realistic. 

If you can’t say something sexy, don’t say it at all – unless your kink is forced, unrealistic dialogue, then go for it!

 

A stretchable penis?

Sometimes you might wonder, is it just me or is that penis too stretchable? Here’s an excerpt from In the Middle of Somewhere by Roan Parrish:

He kneels between my legs, spreading them to make room for him, and kneads my inner thighs and up to the crease of my bottom. He takes me by the hips and digs strong thumbs into my spine, pushing my knees up and apart. I squirm a little, trying to maneuver myself into a position that isn’t crushing my burgeoning erection.”

There are some inconsistencies here, and penises aren’t stretchable – they do swell when someone’s aroused, but they don’t get as big as a T Rex or stretch longer than Pinocchio’s nose. Simply put, it’s pretty unlikely your dong would be “crushed” when you’re on your hands and knees.

 

Aggressive – too aggressive maybe?

A lot of writers seem to think all men like to have rough sex – and that’s fine, many do –  but sometimes it’s a question of how far they take things. There’s a whole lot of slamming and stuff and sometimes you wonder how nobody’s penis has been broken or a jaw hasn’t been dislocated.

“The coy game turned into a face-fucking so brutal my head spun while my dick tried to burst through my open pants. One hand was still gripping my hair and the other braced the back of my neck, bringing me down on his long cock so deep and fast that I wondered if I’d gag.” (Mature Content by Megan Erickson and Santino Hassell)

(Also, sounds like this character has a great gag reflex if they’re only wondering if they might gag!)

 

MM romances can be incredible – they’re a really good alternative to video porn, often exploring the beautiful relationships that go beyond just sex (you don’t get that from Baitbus!). Just make sure you’re double-checking any tips you pick up from the sex scenes. Fantasy doesn’t always translate that well to real life!

Interested in getting into some mm romance/erotic? Some authors to check out:

  • A.M. Arthur (Come What May)
  • Sean Ashcroft
  • Melanie Harlow & David Romanov (Strong Enough)
  • Lucy Lennox
  • Jay Northcote (Starting from Scratch)
  • Emma Scott (Someday Someday)
  • Karen Stivali (Moment of Fate)
  • A.J. Truman (Out in the Open)
  • Jeff Adams
  • Annabeth Albert
  • Quinn Anderson
  • Felice Stevens
  • Brandon Witt

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