As much as we’d love our bodies to run like clockwork, there are times when something just isn't quite right, or a change happens that we weren’t expecting. Sometimes that change is in your butthole, and that can be hard to talk about! 

No topic that affects your health or wellbeing should be off limits, so today we are going to delve into the lower rectum to talk about haemorrhoids. 

You may not know much about them, but someone you know has definitely had them, and they don’t need to be awkward to chat about.  

So what are they, you ask? 

Well, in short, everybody is born with them as they are the veins in your rectum and around your butthole. 

There are internal ones on the inside of your butt and there are external ones around your hole. The only time you’ll really become aware of them is if they get swollen and inflamed. This tends to present itself as a small lump along with symptoms of itchiness/tenderness and/or a bit of blood when wiping*.

*Bleeding can also be a sign of an anal fissure or something more sinister. So, if in doubt, please chat to your healthcare provider.

Now, there are a heap of resources available for you to get the full lowdown on haemorrhoids in general, but we’re here to talk about sex.

1) Can I transmit haemorrhoids? 

Nope! Haemorrhoids can’t be passed on. They are a normal part of your body that gets irritated in some way - they aren’t viral, fungal or bacterial.

2) Can I bottom with haemorrhoids?

It’s not recommended. The reality is, haemorrhoids are a bit of a waiting game and you don't want to further irritate them by having a cock/toy/finger in there. 

If you’re experiencing chronic haemorrhoids (having them most of the time) and are needing to learn to live with them in your bottoming adventures - have a chat with your healthcare provider, as they may be able to help you with some diet and pain-relief advice that could get you back on your knees faster. A basic rule of thumb is, if it’s painful or uncomfortable - that’s your body telling you to stop.

3) Can my partner still rim me?

Again, it really depends. If your haemorrhoid isn’t too inflamed and it’s not causing you pain at the time, they can eat away. It will also depend on the comfort of the rimmer - while we don’t think anyone should be shamed for having a haemorrhoid, they might not (and you yourself might not) feel as in the mood if there is a large blood-filled bump in the way. Take your time and check in with each other to make sure you’re both still comfortable - it might be a chance for some slow and sensual licking rather than a ravenous tongue-lashing.

4) Are haemorrhoids and anal fissures the same thing?

While they both present similar symptoms and can have similar causes, they are very different complaints. A fissure is actually a tear in the anal wall (the lining of the inside of your butt), which can cause complications if it doesn’t heal properly on its own. Fissures are also more likely to have obviously painful/uncomfortable symptoms. So, instead of a normal part of your body getting a bit inflamed, this is a legit injury that can need medical support to heal. Having had a fissure can also make it more likely that things could tear again, so treat fissures with a lot of care - it’s essentially an enforced bottoming hiatus.

5) What can I do to avoid them interrupting my schedule?

All bodies are different and some people just have a natural predisposition to getting. In saying that, there are some things health folks think can help you dodge inflaming them. Make sure you’re getting your fibre (you bottoms already know about Metamucil), drink a lot of water and try not to strain when you poop or stay on the toilet for too long.

If you take anything from this kōrero, it’s that there’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to haemorrhoids - they just happen sometimes. When they do, it’s a chance for a little self-care and a change of pace while they heal. If you encounter partners with haemorrhoids, make sure you’re having good communication about comfort levels and giving them opportunities to stop if things get sore. Also, please don’t shame anyone - you’re allowed to not want to lick it, but don’t make anyone feel yuck because of it!